This Silly Talk about Corruption

Former President Asif Zardari has summoned a meeting at the Bilawal House, Karachi. Present are his children, Bilawal, Bakhtawar, and Aseefa, Sind Chief Minister Murad Ali Shah and Speaker of the Sindh Assembly Agha Siraj Durrani, party leader Sherry Rahman, Leader of the Opposition in the National Assembly Khurshid Shah, and Leader of the Opposition in the Senate Aitizaz Ahsan.

“First, I want to congratulate the co-chairman of our party, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari … rather myself … for the great victory in Sind assembly bye-elections. In PS-114, we have shown the world, we have shown Pakistan that Imran Khan’s approach to politics is flawed. What has his never-ending story of wiping out corruption given him? How many bye-elections has he won since 2013? He even lost own seat in two constituencies.

“In constituency 114, he was fourth! Even lower than Nawaz League despite his Panama talk. Saeed Ghani bags 23,840 votes, and Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf’s Najeeb Haroon bagged 5,942 votes. In 2013, in this constituency, PTI’s Israr Abbasi had gotten 13,807 votes. Do you see that this opposition to corruption has reduced Imran’s votes?

“Aitizaz see how your move worked. You praised his father, Waris Mir, and Hamid Mir was celebrating Saeed Ghani’s victory. Of course, his Geo and Jang Group are no fans of Imran.”

“Zardari Sahib, all credit goes you. You have made corruption a very sexy thing … the beautiful properties in Dubai, England, France, and America,” declared Aitizaz Ahsan.

“Thank you Aitizaz for your kind words. We have to regain our glory, the glory that was under our Great Shaheed, the Qaid-e Awam Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, and our beloved Bibi. For that we have to get Articles 62 and 63 removed from the Constitution.

“What is that fuss about? OK, we can give our party ticket to a person called Sadiq and to a person named Ameen!

“In its initial form, the Articles 62 and 63 of the 1973 Constitution that our Qaid-e Awam had promulgated, had not made it mandatory for a legislator to be ‘Sadiq’ and ‘Ameen’. Later, in the tenure of the awful Ziaul Haq, the terms were made part of the Articles. I can only agree with Nawaz Sharif’s State Minister on Information Technology and Telecommunication Anusha Rehman that if the Articles are reshaped to their original form, legislators cannot be prosecuted for not being ‘Sadiq’ and ‘Ameen’.

“For this, we have to give due credit to our friend Mian Nawaz Sharif.

“Now that the Joint Investigation Team report has come into effect with the Supreme Court acting on it, elections may come up before 2018. We need to be prepared.

“After looking at the JIT report, I can only laugh at the Supreme Court calling Mian Nawaz, a Godfather … ha hah hah … Godfather left his money exposed! Wow what a Godfather.

“I would even hire a consultant who has experience in drafting civil services examination questions to create an application form for us where we could find the crime capability of those applying our party’s tickets. Idealists can’t run a government … can’t run a party! See how Imran Khan is always getting upended due to his objective of working against corruption. Who in his right mind will want to represent a party whose chief opposes corruption?

“We have to go for people who can present proven records of at least last 5 years of their corruption.

“We have to maintain our tradition. PPP is party of legends like Prime Minister Raja Ashraf who had the famous rental power plants corruption. It is the party of our Prime Minister Yusuf Raza Gilani who pocketed the necklace that Mrs. Erdogan had donated for flood victims. It is the party of Sharjeel Memon, who was a Sindh government employee and became a billionaire within three years. It is party of you, Khurshid Shah who rose from an ordinary low-paid Water and Power Development Authority meter reader to great wealth. It is party of Asif Ali Zardari. It is party of Bilawal who got the Rs. 500 crore Bilawal House of Lahore gifted to him by Malik Riaz of Bahria Corp.

“It is party of those work for our corruption. Our brave daughter, Ayyan Ali who gallantly served in transporting foreign currency out of Pakistan. Our great hero Dr. Asim Husain whom no one could touch for too long and is free again.

“It is our jiyala, Abdul Qayyum Jatoi who bravely declared, ‘Corruption is our right!’ Yes. ‘Corruption is our religion!’

“It is PPP majority party in the Sindh Assembly that passed the bill to repeal the applicability of the National Accountability Ordinance, preventing the National Accountability Bureau from taking action against corruption by its ministers

“Our record is unmatchable. Only the Supreme Court called Nawaz, the Godfather when Asif Ali Zardari is the Great Grand Godfather.

“Just like as it is Bilawal, Bakhtawar, and Aseefa’s birthright to rule Pakistan, it is my right to take whatever I like.

“So before we conclude this meeting, Murad Ali Shah, I want to see that Abdul Sattar Edhi’s burial place becomes a strong revenue source for us.

“In your capacity as chief minister, you build a mausoleum over Edhi’s grave. Besides collecting daily offerings, the party will organize an annual urs … Edhi Memorial Trust will be administered by the Sind religious affairs minister … Bilawal and I will be its co-chairs … the revenue will go directly to our Swiss accounts.

“My dear friends, corruption is the only way to defeat Imran Khan and his silly ideas about clean government and justice! I declare that Bilawal, Bakhtawar, and Aseefa are next prime ministers in their due terms.”

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