The Shattered Lotas to Riches Dream

Penny Poundvich is a girl, who when she imagines an opportunity to make a fast buck, has her adrenaline level shooting up faster than the adrenaline levels of a foxhound on the hunt.

One would imagine that the intrepid Penny was bred like these scent hounds.

Now and then, one reads a news item or a 15 second flash on television screens that a multimillion-dollar antique bowl found in an attic was bought by a grandmother at a garage sale for $3; or a son rummaging his father’s golf bag finds a Bobby Jones autographed ball, like one which fetched $55,865. But those pottering around in Penny’s attic would be showered with tons of stillborn business plans.

Penny, who has never given up her chase for the elusive fast buck, is also a consistent girl. In all her endeavors, she has never failed to consult Sherry Shrewdstein, a dogged chaser of her dream to become a consultant in the mold of McKinsey & Company, the American management consulting firm whose feathers-in-the-cap include mapping the power grab for MBS [Mohammad Bin Salman].

Sherry, however, boasts a well-regarded pro bono portfolio topped of course by Penny.

It was but natural that Penny would race to Sherry’s apartment straight from her grocery shopping trip, social distancing notwithstanding. A nanosecond after being ushered in, Penny quickly uncorked the bottle of champagne, bubbling forth about the lucky break that could lead her to owning an island like Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, and the sort.

The champagne bottle having been duly ensconced in the recycling bin, Penny unfolded the details about her billion-dollar product.

“Sherry, would you believe it, that in this time of doom and gloom, I hit a real cracker of a jackpot. This is why I rushed to you straight from Jerryz Supermarket & Gun Depot. I was third in line at the checkout, the woman checking out had like one dozen cases of toilet paper, towering higher than her 5’11”. But in front of me was a brown couple… I guess some Ayrab folks … they were talking in their Ayrab language but my fairy luck would never let me down… the woman whispered … I mean, she thought, it was a whisper, but I could hear her even at six feet apart, in English, ‘Thank God, we don’t use paper.’ Then she giggles, and says ‘we have the lout …’ I murmured to myself, Oh God, they employ a lout for the job… must be some lout!

“But Sherry, you know me, I go all the way when I see an opportunity. And my fairy luck again, the woman looked back, glancing at me, and I flashed the sweetest smile and asked her, ‘Ma’am, like you, I too found no rolls, but where do you find louts to employ for the job?’

“Oh Sherry, I could see the sweet girl suppressing a laugh, but she spelled it out for me on her iPhone and even quickly showed me its photo. She said that it is ‘lota’ which these Ayrabs use after doing their thing. Corona or whatever, I thanked and hugged her.

“Sherry I will back in a couple hours with by business plan for ‘Penny’s Lota – the Real Toilet Roll Killer’… Imagine… I’ll catch the next flight … I mean with these flight restrictions, I will go on Zoom with Beijing Ou Yuan Sheng Fa Plastic Products Co., Ltd., and ask them to make me a couple of million of the Lota in season-themed colors, sized for the great American butt…”

An equally excited Sherry interjects, “Penny… darling, you got a winner. You know you are introducing a product unknown to the Americans… in fact to the British and the forty-four countries of Europe, so you can offer them tutorials on how to use this epoch-making bathroom equipment…”

“Oh my love … Sherry you are right… I will include the Lota designed for European butts and seminars and tutorials in forty-four languages…”

“Penny, you know, like Kirby vacuum sales folks go door to door giving demos … you could like send door to door sales folks to train people to use the Lota …”

“And yeah, Sherry, the customer satisfaction testimonials too… but first I have recruit the sales folks with announcements like ‘If you actually find your self blessed and humbled enough to take a position selling 2K Penny’s Lota – the Real Toilet Roll Killer, door to door to complete strangers call 1-800-PENNY-LOTA now…

“I could go for testimonials from famous butts like Kim Kardashian … ”

“Penny, you rolling… I would say like having Jennifer Lopez for the older market … but… this thing just flashed in my head… did you get that lovely Ayrab woman’s contacts … I mean who will train us how to use Penny’s Lota – the Real Toilet Roll Killer!…”

Penny bursts into uncountable sobbing … “SHUCKS SHUCKS SHUCKS … O, Penny, you blew up the Lotas to Riches dream.”

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