The Swiss Nest needs Caring

The recent report that the Swiss National Bank (SNB) is calling time on a series of banknotes from 1976, and they will lose value in 2020, has spurred the former Pakistani President Asif Zardari into action.

He has summoned a meeting with his son Bilawal, daughters Bakhtawar and Aseefa, and sisters Fouzia Zardari, Azra Peechoho and Faryal Talpur to discuss the Swiss holdings situation.

Zardari starts the discussion, “I am just surprised at myself that I did not note that Swiss Francs have an expiration date.

“You all will remember that when this chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhury tried to shortchange me after outlawing my and Benazir’s NRO with Pervez Musharraf, how our great lawyer Farooq Naek did not let anyone near our Swiss bank accounts.

“I needn’t tell you that documented money is not the safest. So in addition to that over discussed Swiss account of $70 million, I have safe deposit boxes in a few Swiss banks and of course in other countries. It is good that the vast majority is not familiar with SFr exchange with the Pakistani rupee … 1 SFr equals Rs.107.30.

“I am leaving Geneva this evening and visit all our safe deposit boxes and make sure that we are only keeping bank notes that have long lives.

“Yes, Swiss are very mindful of the interests of money owners because banking is a mainstay but instead of waiting for them to change the limit of exchange, I am making my move now.”

Addressing his three children, he adds that they have the numbers to all these accounts and safes, he adds, “One should never tire from exploring avenues for safekeeping one’s assets.

“Yes, the assets are safe but being in deposit boxes they are not earning dividends. I will also be meeting with Swiss funds experts and lawyers to see how we keep these assets in motion to earn on them.”

His younger daughter Aseefa asks, “What about investing though our offshore companies?”

Her father agrees and advises, “Yes offshores are a great bet but in this age of leaks and hacking, we need to find safe airtight offshores before moving our cash there. This is why I am not tying any of our deposits and boxes to any of our offshore companies.

“Even if we our control over Pakistan doesn’t come in 2018, but our rule in Sind everlasting, Sind is growing our holdings and we will continue this hold.”

His older daughter Bakhtawar chimes in “God bless our grandpa, Shaheed Bhutto and our mother that the Sindhis are keeping us comfortable.”

Her father raises his hands in prayer and declares, “God bless them, they are more than gold mines for us.”

With a wink and smile, he quips, “But what about your Dad who produced your mother’s will?”

“Dad, why can’t we get that part of the will etched in gold?” she asks.

“Bakhtawar and Aseefa before that I have to reveal the full will. Your grandpa started the PPP; the great and venerated martyr Bhutto Sahib. Your mother has also willed that both if you are deputy co-chairs. She was extremely mindful of preserving the family heirloom.

“Also after I am done with the money matters in Switzerland, I have set up appointments with political consultants in London our great and venerated Bhutto Sahib spearheaded his campaign with his undying slogan ‘Roti, Kapra, aur Makan’ … food, clothing and housing. I will discuss ways how we can enhance the effectiveness of this slogan.

“I am thinking of editing the slogan to ‘Roti, Kapra, aur Makan, maang raha hay hurr insaan’ … everybody asks for food, clothing and housing.”

“Dad,” Bakhtawar interrupts her father, “I suggest we make it ‘Roti, Paani, Kapra, aur Makan, maang raha hay hurr insaan’ … everybody asks for food, water, clothing and housing. Like people of Tharparkar have no water, even people of Defense in Karachi even Karachi have no water.

“And so far, our party has done a good job that people continue to ask for food, water, clothing and housing.”

Bilawal seconds his sister, “The day these folks will get food, water, clothing and housing, they will say, ‘Where is Bhutto,’ whereas now they keep saying, ‘Bhutto is Alive, Bhutto is Living’.

Zardari, all loving smiles for his children says, “Indeed, you are heirs to great wisdom … great leadership skills. Certainly, your ideas are fantastic and I will include them in my discussion with our British consultants. But right now the Swiss nest needs caring.”

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Only that Pleases our Masters

King Salman bin Abdulaziz, the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, is meeting with his sons, Crown Prince Mohammad Bin Salman and Prince Khalid Bin Salman, the Saudi ambassador to the U.S, and his nephew, the Saudi ambassador to Britain, Prince Mohammed bin Nawwaf bin Abdulaziz.

The three laud their father and uncle over issuing the decree to establish an authority to scrutinize the uses of the “hadith” — accounts of the sayings, actions or habits of the Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

The King Salman Center in Madinah will monitor interpretations of the hadith to prevent them being used to justify violence, or terrorism, or extremism.
The decree said that the body’s aim would be to “eliminate fake and extremist texts and any texts that contradict the teachings of Islam and justify the committing of crimes, murders and terrorist acts.”
According to the decree, the Council of Senior Scholars drawn from around the world will oversee the body, which will be based in Madinah.

The body would create a solid “scientific reference” to vet and verify the authenticity of hadiths.
The decree said body would be chaired by Sheikh Mohammed bin Hassan Al-Sheikh, a member of the Council of Senior Scholars, which serves as Saudi Arabia’s highest religious body.

Princes Khalid and Mohammad Bin Nawwaf speak out in unison that the nation aims is to please their benefactors, the United States and Britain. Therefore, the Council of Senior Scholars must include a representative of the United States Department of State and the British Foreign Office.

“We need to have on-going vetting by these two offices to prove our sincerity. Without that it would be a hollow exercise, as we won’t get instant accolades from Washington and London,” toned Prince Khalid.

“Indeed, my respected Uncle, I totally agree with Khalid that Washington and London matter and the Council of Senior Scholars can only gain recognition when we have their representatives on board,” added Mohammad Bin Nawwaf.

“Masha Allah … may God bless for your wisdom, I will get this added to my decree forthwith,” declared the King.

Crown Prince Mohammad offering his advice said that we should start by vetting crucial hadith … the vetting of the ones, which would elicit appreciation.

“In my list the first one is that is narrated on the authority Ibn ‘Umar and cited by Abu Dawood (3674) and Ibn Majah (3380) that The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Allah has cursed alcohol, the one who drinks it, the one who pours it, the one who sells it, the one who buys it, the one who squeezes (the grapes etc.), the one for whom it is squeezed, the one who carries it and the one to whom it is carried’.

“You will agree that it is just too far reaching. I mean one can’t own a hotel because they need bars … and of course our Saudia can’t serve drinks on board.”

Khalid interrupts, “And Emirates in serving drinks on board … Jordan and what not! Why us … why Saudia!”

“O Dear Father, if we start with this hadith, we can please so many countries and win their support. Think, especially your friend Abu Ivanka, President Trump who is always desirous of creating jobs in America. Not only Saudia will buy all the beers, wines and whiskies but also our stores will import and sell it,” said the Crown Prince.

He added, “With Saudia getting more passengers, we will not need to give it subsidies that we are giving now! All these savings can be better used by our royal family.”

“Well spoken, Mohammad. This will help us support Theresa May to stay as Prime Minister of Great Britain as she too needs to have jobs for her people. With all our imports of scotch whiskey, she can silence the Scottish breakaway movement. Of course, we don’t want that socialist Jeremy Corbyn as the head of government there,” said Mohammad Bin Nawwaf.

The Crown Prince continued, “Now there is another hadith Narrated by Abu Dawood that needs quick vetting. It says ‘Aa’ishah (radi Allahu ‘anh) said: The riders used to pass by us when we were with the Messenger of Allah in ihraam. When they came near us we would lower our jilbabs from our heads over our faces, and when they had passed by we would uncover our faces.

“We all know that it is such hadith that are holding our women from showing their faces in public. This needs to go. Once again, both Abu Ivanka and Mrs. May would be most pleased because being able to bare their faces, Saudis women would be buy huge amounts of make up, keeping American, British, and European factories busy.

“Another hadith of the quick vetting list is that the Prophet reportedly said, ‘Whoever wears a cloak in this world, Allah will verily cloth him/her with a similar garment on the Day of Resurrection’. Now this is being used against Muslim women wearing bikinis and in many cases the exquisite haute couture gowns that invariably show much skin.

“Certainly both Abu Ivanka and Mrs. Theresa May would like to see the back of it. It is holding back our women from wearing great American, British and European fashions.

“Our women, free to wear bikinis, will enjoy taking vacations the United States, Britain and Europe. All this means more jobs there.”

Prince Khalid offers his wisdom, “O Father, we urgently need to redesign our flag. Right now our flag proclaims: La Ilaha Illa-llahu Muhammadur-Rasoolu-llah. Do you note the problem with it that I note? It binds the Muslim to the article of faith that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. It challenges our authority as rulers.

“We can’t alter the thinking of our people with this creed! We need a new flag. I would suggest having a rainbow colored flag with an oil derrick in the center. It will convey that yes we have the oil and we are open to all idea.”

The Crown Prince and Mohammed bin Nawwaf say together, “Masha Allah, Khalid has come up with fantastic idea.”

The Crown Prince adds, “In fact, Dear Father we not only need to vet the hadith but also the Quranic verses in consultation with the United States and Britain.”

Mohammed bin Nawwaf, seconding his cousin, adds, “In England, they have King James version of the Bible. In fact, many call it the King James Bible. So we can have King Salman version of the Quran. Better still, the King Salman Quran.”

The King adds his wisdom, “The three of you have spoken most wisely. I will pass these orders immediately. We have to do only that pleases our masters.”

The Real and the Great

The former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is ensconced in his family room in the Avenfield House apartment in Park Lane, Mayfair, London, where he is on video teleconference with his inner circle in Islamabad.

Election Reforms Bill 2017 had paved his way to return as head of the eponymous faction of the Pakistan Muslim League.

On the Islamabad end are Prime Minister Shahid Khaqan Abbasi, Minister for Railways Saad Rafique, Foreign Minister Khawaja Muhammad Asif, Interior Minister Ahsan Iqbal, and Punjab Law Minister Rana Sanaullah.

Each of them trying their best to shine the brightest in their master’s eye.

Shahid Abbasi starts the proceedings, “Our beloved and respected Mian Nawaz Sharif Sahib, due to your quick departure for London to be with the real First Lady of Pakistan, Kulsoom Nawaz, we could not properly celebrate your reelection as President of Pakistan Muslim League.

“All of us our praying that our beloved and respected first lady takes her seat in National Assembly that she has won so handedly and that too defeating the nominee of Imran Khan.”

Nawaz Sharif, “Abbasi Sahib, thank you for your kind words, but I wish you had not taken the name of that awful person when it is early … I just had my mid-morning lassi, and now, I need another one,” he concludes and calls his servant to get him another glass of lassi.

Ahsan Iqbal joins the discussion, “Our beloved prime minister, now that the Election Reforms Bill has settled the matter, we should announce proper titles. I am proposing that while Abbasi Sahib will be identified as Prime Minister de jure, you will identified as Prime Minister de facto.”

A visibly agitated Nawaz Sharif, hurriedly putting down his glass of lassi, angrily barks, “What is the de fac … defective? I am not defective! I was never defective! Hear that Ahsan Iqbal and all of you.

“I know that you are a degree holder from Pencil-Wonya university, but what is this defective? No way! Such titles cannot be accepted!”

“May God forgive me. Our most dear and respected Nawaz Sharif Sahib, I never called you by a wrong title. I only wanted to convey to the people of Pakistan and the world that you are real prime minister of our fair country,” Ahsan Iqbal states meekly.

“I am never minding any titles but you have to come up with a good title, not this American English … the de … defective! Nawaz Sharif is three times prime minister … and now you can say fourth time,” the Big Guy declares.

Ahsan Iqbal continue his defense, “My most dear and respected Nawaz Sharif Sahib, the de facto is not American English, it is Latin.”

A visibly moved Nawaz Sharif blurts, “Where do they speak this Latin language? I have been to Lytton Road in Lahore … when I was a student, I used to go there. Lytton Road has the Government College of Technology for Women. I heard that all the brainy girls go to technology colleges. Considering my position, when even they did not accept me for acting, I was thinking, I should get a smart girl.

“But I never heard anyone speaking Latin on Lytton Road!”

Rana Sanaullah itching to have him heard, interjected, “We can discuss this title thing a few minutes later because I have a fantastic scheme that will visibly show the real power of our dear and beloved leader.

“I am saying that we can send National Assembly Ayaz Sadiq to London by the first available flight so he can administer the oath of National Assembly to our great First Lady, Kulsoom Nawaz.

“Thus, when she returns she come to her seat in the House directly from the airport. To make things very clear, I am also proposing that our great First Lady should occupy the seat you occupied in the House because she has won your seat for our party.

“Our … what did you say Ahsan Iqbal … de jooray … what is this de jooray? … prime minister Shahid Abbasi will also agree with me.

“In order to overcome any foolish criticism from any half-baked mullahs that she is sitting next to a man, the seat next to her should be given to your son-in-law Capt. Safdar …”

Khawaja Asif and Khawaja Saad Rafiq interject in unison, “… and the next to our Capt. Safdar, the seat should be allocated to Abid Sher Ali, so in case, if Capt. Safdar is not in the House, our First Lady’s own nephew will be sitting next to her.”

Rana Sanaullah continues, “Our de jooray Prime Minister Shahid Abbasi will be seated next to Abid Sher Ali.”

Nawaz Sharif rests his forehead on his palm and asks, “Ahsan Iqbal now what is this de jorray … don’t tell me again that this is Latin language because this too I never heard on Lytton Road.

“Why don’t use a title that our people can understand. All of you accept that I am the asli ta vadda leader …the real and great leader!

“So in Urdu, we can say Asli tay Vadda Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif … for foreigners we can say the Real and Great Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif.”

Ahsan Iqbal tones in meekly, “Our beloved and respected Mian Sahib, allow me to say that de jure means in accordance with law.”

“OK … OK … you are saying that this de jooray means in accordance with law but who is the law? It is I, the Asli tay Vadda Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif.

“Now Shahid Abbasi and Ahsan Iqbal can decide about the de jooray … but we should direct our information Mariam Aurangzeb to announce in Urdu and English that my title is Asli tay Vadda Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif … and in English, the Real and Great Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif.”

Nawaz Sharif concludes the teleconference signaling for another glass of lassi, and proclaiming aloud, Asli tay Vadda Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif … the Real and Great Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif.”

Don’t We Have Bottled Water?

Firoze Phadaywala, founder and chairman of FP Developments, who is also president of the All-Karachi Builders and Developers Association, is meeting with GulPir Shigafvi, founder and chairman of GPS Real Estate Agencies, who is also president of Greater Karachi Real Estate Agents Association, are meeting to discuss the on going slowdown in Pakistan’s, and especially their metropolis’ property market.

“Whether people like it or not, but the growing political challenges for Muslims after Donald Trump became president of America proved good for our industry. Trump’s hate message contributed in convincing many overseas Pakistanis to make an early decision of having a second home in the country,” said Phadaywala.

“Indeed Firoze, one man’s loss is the other man’s gain. Any advertisement, we placed in Pakistani newspapers in America used to get so much response. At GPS Real Estate, I set up a special number to receive the volume of American calls,” informed GulPir Shigafvi.

“You right GulPir, you are right. But for this useless Supreme Court of ours! The same Supreme Court that wrote a judgment in English that our Prime Minister Mian Nawaz Sharif could not understand why he was thrown out, yes … the same Supreme Court obliged the Sindh Building Control Authority (SBCA) to completely ban construction of buildings beyond ground-plus-two floors in the city. And for what … that Karachi has water shortage.

“Isn’t this insane, GulPir? You have Defense Societies One to Ten or whatever, and do any of them have a drop of water? What are tankers for?”

“Firoze, if Ayub Khan had not shifted the capital out of Karachi to Islamabad, we would have a Supreme Court living here … one using tanker water.

“Firoze, would that Court pass such a mindless judgment?

“Really, who cares for water? Have ever seen a single overseas Pakistani drinking tap water during their stay in Karachi. All you see is cases upon cases of bottled water going out of stores.

“I would say, we would be offering multi-storied building with no plumbing for potable water. It is an unnecessary expense!

“I would say the we have to admit that we failed to properly lobby the Karachi Water and Sewage Board (KWSB) because it was KWSB that moved the court to slap a ban on new high-rise projects … and you note that due to its … the KWSB’s inability to provide enough water connections.”

“But GulPir, we can’t blame the KWSB because it is for this reason, it is providing opportunities and jobs to thousands in the water tanker industry. And does any tanker company sell water at government fixed rates? The only thing we hear during the Eid holidays is that all water tankers will be sold at government rates. Does it happen! Ever!

“GulPir, we should call meetings of the boards of our organizations and suggest that we file a review petition in the Supreme Court. I think that we stand a fair chance.

“Our lawyers should cite the World Bank study of 2009 that there was a shortage of 7.5 million housing units in Pakistan, which increases by 0.35 million housing units every year. Thus according to the World Bank’s estimates, there must be a housing shortage of at least 10.3 million units in 2017. This should sway the court.

“On top of that I have found a very useful argument. It is said that during a time France was facing a bread shortage, and their queen asked why are these people protesting. When she was told that they are protesting for bread, she rightly suggested why all the protest about bread when you can eat cake!

“All this crying about water holds no water when you have abundance of bottled water available everywhere.”

“Firoze, you are right. In our review petition we will give the assurance that every building we construct will have a coin operated water bottle dispenser!

“Is it the builders or real estate sector’s obligation to build and sell housing that has water supplies?

“Even Gwadar Port is being built without a water supply.

“Yes you are right! Don’t we have bottled water?”

Pakistan Needs a Dealmaker

The news that the U.S. President Donald Trump decided not to meet with Prime Minister Shahid Khaqan Abbasi in New York at the UN over the pretext of being busy was considered as degrading to Pakistan.

Pakistan Senate Chairman Raza Rabbani issued an angry missive, suggesting if Donald Trump did not have time to meet with our prime minister, then there was no point holding a meeting with vice president Mike Pence.

Rabbani is a Pakistan Peoples Party stalwart, and ChuttPutt TV rushed to interview his party’s co-chair, the former President Asif Ali Zardari.

ChuttPutt TV assigned its star anchor Kushdil Matkawi for the interview.

“Mr. President, you must have heard about Senate Chairman Raza Rabbani’s advice that if Donald Trump did not have time to meet with our prime minister, then there was no point of him holding a meeting with vice president Mike Pence.

“What is your opinion in this matter?

“My friend Kushdil Matkawi how are you supposing that I only heard about Rabbani’s missive to Prime Minister. You should know that no member of our party could even say a word without my approval. Yes, of course, this was improved and approved by me.

“So despite that Shahid Khaqan calls upon Pence. Great job!,” chuckles Zardari.

“My friend Kushdil Matkawi, no one needs to learn from any intelligence reports or Google that Trump only listens to himself. Now what do we get from this much heralded “highest” level contact between Pakistan and America since the policy was announced last month.

“We all know that the new policy is humiliating and disrespectful of our sacrifices in the fight against terrorism, and indifferent to our security concerns. It was being said that this had prompted a re-assessment of Pakistan’s ties with the United States at the highest level.

“Where do you see any re-assessment?

“At least, we can perhaps take comfort that Abbasi did not take out his notes while talking to the American vice-president. You call it a little improvement on Mian Nawaz Sharif.

“But I was hoping better. Shahid Khaqan is not only an engineering graduate of University of California, Los Angeles but also holder of a master’s degree from George Washington University. Yes, I was expecting more than a photo opportunity with Pence.

“My friend Kushdil Matkawi, Pakistan needs a dealmaker, especially when in Trump, America has a dealmaker.

“It is no secret why Modi is Trump’s tight friend like he was Obama’s tight friend. You see all the buying he is doing from America. Did you count the deals done by Saudi Arabia and UAE after they started against Qatar? Do they have the airspace to fly such big jets? No. Simply, Trump likes those who buy American equipment.

“Instead of setting up so many metro buses here and there, we should have been buying American equipment. Yes, America would not sell us jets … F16s or whatever, but we could have purchased private … the American-made corporate aircraft. Mian Nawaz had 47 cabinet members. So here you were talking of at least 75 corporate jets including standby planes. We all know that Imran Khan would have created a fuss over it, but Mian Nawaz Sharif could have purchased these aircraft for provincial ministers in Punjab and Sindh as well.

“I am not Imran Khan! I would have welcomed corporate jets for all of our Sindh cabinet members. It would have been a great asset for us. We would be calling it the Shaheed Bhutto Peoples Air Service!

“Of course, Mian Nawaz Sharif is London oriented. Look at me; I have real estate interests not only in UK, but also America and France and Dubai. If Trump is builder than instead of building metro bus systems or primary schools, buy into his projects.

“Perhaps you are familiar with the trickle down economy so brilliantly practiced by President Reagan. It was simple. All this purchase of corporate jets would have required commissions which have accrued to Mian Nawaz and his ruling group but then what do you do with cash leftover from your kitchen expenses, you invest. And investment creates jobs. This is what is most dear to Trump … creating jobs. If I were there, I would lead all my party people to invest in Trump properties.

“Trump is a dealmaker. Asif Zardari is a dealmaker. Pakistan needs a dealmaker!

Consolidating Gains

The disqualified, but de facto prime minister of Pakistan, Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif has gathered his progeny at his Avenfield House, the residence in London, where he had joined his cancer-stricken wife.

She was elected to the National Assembly seat that the court had made him vacate following his conviction.

Present are his sons Hasan and Husain and their spouses, two in case of Husain; his daughter Maryam, fresh off her triumph leading the winning campaign against Enemy Numero Uno, Imran Khan’s nominee, and her husband Safdar; and his younger daughter Asma and her husband Ali Dar.

Despite the gloom of losing the top title, the mood is sort of celebratory, as Kulsum has secured the seat her husband had to resign. In keeping with his practice, the former prime minister has a tall glass of lassi, one upped with a generous dollop of heavy cream.

Daughter Maryam, who is being proclaimed as the new standard-bearer of Nawaz Sharif dynasty, is giving her account of winning the seat for her mother.

She laments, “Abbuji, aren’t we all disappointed with cousin Hamza?”

Her father tries to console her, and adds, “You will recall, when my friend Asif Zardari signed the Bhurban Accord with me, he mentioned that after us, our children, Bilawal and Hamza Shahbaz will lead Pakistan.

“I too had great hopes in Hamza, especially his father Shahbaz has been the most loyal brother anyone can wish for. When I asked him to guard Punjab instead of taking the interim prime ministerial seat, he obeyed me. When I said that his focus on Punjab is more important than being president of our Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz, he obeyed me.

“I know some in the media and in the opposition tried to read too much between the lines in the talk of Tehmina Daultana. It is no wonder that Shahbaz has three wives. He lets them talk but never lets differences pop up in our family.

“My dear children, you know how we have worked to be here. Our Abbaji, your most respected and beloved grandfather, put me on the path to the glory I, and now our family is achieving, when he introduced me General Ziaul Haq.

Abbaji always gave his own example that we should consolidate our gains. And God be Praised, I have kept on this path most diligently.

“Theresa May can’t be trusted by our family for gaining United Kingdom’s support and patronage. You know, Benazir Bhutto had obligated her by introducing her to Mr. Philip May who became her husband. These big power people always promote people they trust. Surely Bilawal will use this card with Mrs. May.

“My Maryam and Safdar, we are all blessed because Junaid has graduated in government and politics from Trevelyan College of Durham University. So what if Bilawal has graduated from Oxford. We also have England-educated star!

“But my dear son, Junaid, we are most blessed that you took up playing polo, the sport of kings. You belong to the Nawaz Sharif dynasty that will rule Pakistan forever.

“Now Maryam and Safdar, as I was saying the our Abbaji taught us about consolidating gains.

“I am therefore considering hiring a lobbyist to ensure our Junaid gets opportunities to play polo with Prince William and Prince Harry. Our family needs to get a firm hand on our close ties with the Royal Family. Tell me, then what better way is there than to get close to the future king of England, William and his young brother.

“I tell you, the moment, my brother Asif Zardari starts reading the news about Junaid playing alongside Prince William and Prince Harry, he will become concerned. So what, if Zardaris have links to Prime minister May, the Nawaz Sharif Family has links to the Royal Family … links to the future king of England.

“My child, Junaid, you were very young when our family’s royal contacts worked to our advantage. When Pervez Musharraf was trying to a way to kill me, it was, my brother King Abdullah who asked him to keep away from me and our Family, and he also invited us to his kingdom and gave us much wealth and honor.”

Daughter Asma speaks up, “Abbuji, it is time that we tell Pakistan … we tell the world that Nawaz Sharif matters. I would say, we change the name our party to Nawaz League. It is our party and we own it. It is Nawaz League.”

Nawaz Sharif stands up and moves to hug his youngest child.

“I think that Asma has given an excellent suggestion. I mean we have a great team in Pakistan, people like Rana Sanaullah, like Khawaja Rafiq, like Daniyal Aziz. They will make our party name known far and wide.

“Also, it is more than to consolidating our gains but also to learn from others.

“You see how wisely he acted when at the time of Benazir’s death, my brother Zardari immediately inserted Bhutto in his three children’s name.

So my children, especially Maryam and Safdar, all of you should insert Nawaz in their names. It should be Junaid Nawaz Sharif Safdar. When our Junaid will be playing polo with Prince William and Prince Harry, the people will immediately know that Junaid is grandson of the only three times prime minister of Pakistan, Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif.

“Hussain and Hasan, you are doing great and I suggest that you consolidate gains with the Trump family. You can buy into a few of his properties.

“So children, remember as your grandfather, Mian Mohammad Sharif stressed, we should always consolidate the gains.

Going Against Corruption only Hurts the Nation

Following the buzz after Interior Minister Ahsan Iqbal telling the media in Islamabad on Aug. 26 that the country saw a loss of $14 billion in the aftermath of Joint Investigation Team (JIT) formation and the Panama Leaks verdict, he has called a special chat with the media.

The media event includes a supporting cast of Finance Minister Ishaq Dar, Information Minister Marriyum Aurangzeb, Railways Minister Khawaja Saad Rafique, and Foreign Minister Khawaja Asif, and Defense Minister Khurram Dastgir Khan.

Information Minister Marriyum Aurangzeb initiates the proceedings, “In consultation with our beloved leader, the three times Prime Minister of Pakistan, Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif, we, especially our Interior Minister Mr. Ahsan Iqbal have invited you to settle any doubts about the loss of $14 billion suffered by our country in the aftermath of JIT formation and the Panama Leaks verdict. He will start with the proceedings and we will also join in when see fit.”

“Dear friends of the press, Prime Minister Shahid Khaqan Abbasi, my colleagues and I have been informed about some of the feelings vented about my informing the nation about the huge loss suffered by our country due to Imran Khan’s campaign against the offshore businesses of our leaders,” declared Ahsan Iqbal.

He continued, “It is not a secret that political instability is tantamount to playing with the future of the next generation.

“Rest assured that the government will safeguard national interest at all costs.

“I will reiterate that Pakistan suffered a $14 billion loss over the past three to four months due to adverse political situation, otherwise it was making rapid development.

“I will now let our Finance Minister Mr. Ishaq Dar to dilate on this issue.”

“I am honored. My dear friend Mr. Ahsan Iqbal is himself a very learned person. He attended the Wharton School of Finance at the University of Pennsylvania from where he did MBA. But now that he has asked me, I will add my remarks. You all know that Imran Khan is the leader of the pack trying to disturb the status quo. You will acknowledge that fanning political instability and doing politics for the sake of it will inevitably result in hampering economic development in the country.”

Ahsan Iqbal joins in, “The country needs to unite and move forward beyond ‘dead issues’ like this leak or that leak, Dawn Leaks, Panama Leaks. For instance for Dawn Leaks, the inquiry was completed with the consensus of civil and military leadership and the chapter was closed.”

Khawaja Saad Rafique angrily thumps the table and screams, “And still Imran Khan keeps repeating Dawn Leaks! Isn’t he over 60 years old? You need to check his head.”

Not to be left out, both Khawaja Asif and Khurram Dastgir Khan pound their fists and ask, “And how long will Imran Khan keep shouting Panama Leaks! Even the Supreme Court could not tell our brave leader Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif what wrong he did.”

“And our great leader Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif graciously resigned although he still does not know why he was kicked out,” chimed in Marriyum Aurangzeb.

Ahsan Iqbal stressed that there is need for forging unity among ranks of the nation to send across a message that the nation is united to face any conspiracies.

He added, “You know that political uncertainty has been caused in the wake of the JIT probe into the Panama Papers leaks and the Supreme Court verdict in the case.”

Once again Saad Rafique bangs his fist on the table, and declares, “Before Imran Khan started making all this fuss, no one was talking about corruption and this and that. Even when I was child, I was hearing that one should oil the palms of people, and that a picture of our dear Quaid-i-Azam on a red rectangle … you know the Rupee 100 note, which had some value then, was the way to get things done. The country was going on smoothly.

“Our brave leader Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif in all of his stints as Prime Minister has carried out so much infrastructure work. What else is part of such projects? Yes, there is some due share.

“Even American President Donald Trump is talking about infrastructure. Is anyone mentioning corruption in America?

“Now someone among you in the media … yes, you ARY News … has started this new story the Sharif family has transferred funds received as kickbacks in the construction of Multan Metro Bus project. What else projects need? A kick-start!

“A kickback is same thing as a kick-start.”

Finance Minister Dar adds his wisdom; “Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif inaugurated the Multan Metro Bus project in January this year, which was completed at a cost of over Rs. 28 billion, which is nearly $28 million. It includes 21 bus stations spread over an 18.5 km route, which facilitate around 97,000 commuters daily.

“Just look at the economics of this great public project.

“Now what our friends here, ARY TV is saying that $10.75 million were transferred by the contractor YaBait to China, which is not registered in the China–Pakistan Economic Corridor (CPEC) program. Also that it is not registered with the Securities and Exchange Commission of Pakistan (SECP)

“There also accusations that these funds were transferred to Dubai, Mauritius and other countries. It is being alleged that former SECP chief Zafar Hijazi and advisors Muzaffar Mirza and Khalida Habib refused to share information. Also that Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif and PML-N leader Mushahidullah provided documents to the Chinese firm.

“Isn’t it the reality that Multan has a metro bus service? This wasteful corruption cries hurt the economy … they hurt the country.”

Ahsan Iqbal takes over and stresses, “Before anyone asks how we come up to this $14 billion figure, I will present you simple answers. You know that the cabinet of our respected Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif had 47 ministers, ministers of state, and advisors. Due to the Panama Leaks and JIT drama, at all times, more than half of them had to be at the Supreme Court and the JIT venue. And the other members of the cabinet were going to all TV stations to defend the honor of the nation, the honor of our Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif.

“Now calculate the loss of work, plus what they would have earned as their rightful share. And their earnings would be have been invested overseas, providing jobs in our finance sector.”

Information Minister Marriyum Aurangzeb cuts in with her remark, “And all the millions upon millions my department had to spend on advertising on TV channels about the greatness of our Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif and the service he is doing to the nation. Plus a huge amount had to be spent on advertising against Imran Khan.

“And I am not mentioning the weighty envelopes that were being presented to some of you to further our mission of protecting the honor our Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif and his family.

“The downside of going against corruption is crystal clear. You realize that the real culprit is Imran Khan. He keeps crying and shouting like it was his money that was being taken.

“I am going to say through you, my respected people from the media: Imran Khan you are the cause of $14 billion loss. Yes, you Imran Khan. Going against corruption only hurts the nation.”