SRK “Starks” Crewberger was more sulky than ‘It’s Monday again’ mood as he leaned on the bar menacingly clutching his beer mug. He lifted his mug and declared, “Here’s once again for the REAL American President for kicking out that Paris Climate thing …
“One more Obama nonsense blasted out of the door!
“We have these Paris Agreement guys running all over everything that Americans love.
“Coffee-drinkers here, you agree that coffee pods deliver gourmet-quality coffee! So affordably priced with high convenience. Coming here, I heard on the radio about a survey that 33 percent of Americans, whom they were calling ‘respondents’, own a single-cup brewing system in their household, up from 7 percent in 2011. Now these environment freaks are telling us that there are high costs elsewhere, as the plastic and aluminum pods are fiendishly difficult to recycle and billions end up in landfill each year. Even some former Nespresso big head is saying that them pods are contributing to an environmental disaster.
“And it had to be Germans … the city of Hamburg has banned the use of coffee pods in public buildings.
“Now lets wait for the American liberals to start whining for the same. Isn’t it the Americans’ constitutional right to use things they enjoy? Are we responsible for the whole universe? Yes, we own it and we can use it, the way we like!
“Any tea drinkers here? They won’t leave them alone too. Yes, you all know that plastic tea bags offer a higher-quality brew, but the environment people got to destroy them. These poor tea bags are being accused of being resistant to composting, and possibly they are releasing some dangerous toxins. Oh oh … how many toxins can a little bag throw out! Oh Please!
“These liberals hate everything of convenience invented by Americans. Oh, and mention plastic bags and they go crazy!
“Tell me what would anyone use in rain … the wet and easy tear paper bags or the ever reliable waterproof plastic bags!
“Now we get this liberals’ conspiracy against businesses that they have declared that plastic bags are one of the most damaging sources of everyday pollution. Of course, it must a liberal source that said that one trillion non-biodegradable plastic bags are disposed of each year, breaking down in waterways, clogging landfill sites and releasing toxic chemicals when burned.
“Nothing is safe from these enviros … these liberals!
“Now they have discovered that many toothpaste brands contain plastic microbeads. So! How do get your teeth white and bright?
“Their favorite Obama banned microbeads, and countries across Europe also started following suit.
“The enviros are saying that these poor little … microscopic beads are a leading contributor to the 8 million tons of plastic that enters the ocean each year. They are saying that it has devastating consequences for wildlife and the marine environment.
“Toothpaste! Now some shower gel and cream products are also being condemned for having microbeads.
“Their science thing! They are saying that microbeads do not biodegrade and are too small to be caught in cleanup exercises, and they attract toxic chemicals as they travel.”
Meanwhile “Shoots” Nitpocker has moved from his barstool to sit next to “Starks.”
“Hey, I am Nitpocker, but people know me as Shoots.”
“Great to meet. I am Crewberger who’s known as Starks.”
“Starks, you are saying the truth. These liberals are squeezing out the American way of life. What is this empty place … this Sooty Arabia for? We got to write to everyone big in the nation’s capital to let the Americans live … let the Americans live according to our way!
“I don’t understand this fuss over environment and this degradable and that is non- degradable thing.
“I say let the Americans live the life they want and the environment things that the liberals don’t like can be dumped in this Sooty Arabia. Everything! These used coffee pods … these tea bags … these microbeads.”
“Shoots, them liberals never talk about China … red China!
“I heard on Red and Blue TV News that the disposable chopsticks that these Chines use at every meal are stripping Asian forests bare. The news said that 4 million trees are used to produce 57 billion pairs of disposable chopsticks each year. The TV folks were using the ultra-liberal Greenpeace’s numbers, and they also said these chopsticks are treated with chemicals that can cause respiratory disorders.
“Ha ha …And Amnesty International couldn’t be far behind. They are finding human rights issues, as they say that chopsticks are sometimes produced in labor camps.”
“Starks you right. The Chinese are awful. They are grab and go. They even grabbed Volvo car company from the Ford cars.
“You right about Sooty Arabia, Shoots. You remember all the photos we were getting everywhere when President Trump visited this Sooty Arabia. The king and his kid love our tremendous President. The President should tweet this Sooty Arabia king to prepare landfills for the plastic and other disposable stuff that drives the liberals crazy. I bet this king of Sooty will stand on his head to carry out our President’s command!
“We should also ask President Trump to issue by executive order, the New Standard Revised Version of the United States Constitution that has none of the liberal namby-pamby!
“Trump needs to shut up these jealous folks who seek to undermine our American Way of Life.”