The recent report that the Swiss National Bank (SNB) is calling time on a series of banknotes from 1976, and they will lose value in 2020, has spurred the former Pakistani President Asif Zardari into action.
He has summoned a meeting with his son Bilawal, daughters Bakhtawar and Aseefa, and sisters Fouzia Zardari, Azra Peechoho and Faryal Talpur to discuss the Swiss holdings situation.
Zardari starts the discussion, “I am just surprised at myself that I did not note that Swiss Francs have an expiration date.
“You all will remember that when this chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhury tried to shortchange me after outlawing my and Benazir’s NRO with Pervez Musharraf, how our great lawyer Farooq Naek did not let anyone near our Swiss bank accounts.
“I needn’t tell you that documented money is not the safest. So in addition to that over discussed Swiss account of $70 million, I have safe deposit boxes in a few Swiss banks and of course in other countries. It is good that the vast majority is not familiar with SFr exchange with the Pakistani rupee … 1 SFr equals Rs.107.30.
“I am leaving Geneva this evening and visit all our safe deposit boxes and make sure that we are only keeping bank notes that have long lives.
“Yes, Swiss are very mindful of the interests of money owners because banking is a mainstay but instead of waiting for them to change the limit of exchange, I am making my move now.”
Addressing his three children, he adds that they have the numbers to all these accounts and safes, he adds, “One should never tire from exploring avenues for safekeeping one’s assets.
“Yes, the assets are safe but being in deposit boxes they are not earning dividends. I will also be meeting with Swiss funds experts and lawyers to see how we keep these assets in motion to earn on them.”
His younger daughter Aseefa asks, “What about investing though our offshore companies?”
Her father agrees and advises, “Yes offshores are a great bet but in this age of leaks and hacking, we need to find safe airtight offshores before moving our cash there. This is why I am not tying any of our deposits and boxes to any of our offshore companies.
“Even if we our control over Pakistan doesn’t come in 2018, but our rule in Sind everlasting, Sind is growing our holdings and we will continue this hold.”
His older daughter Bakhtawar chimes in “God bless our grandpa, Shaheed Bhutto and our mother that the Sindhis are keeping us comfortable.”
Her father raises his hands in prayer and declares, “God bless them, they are more than gold mines for us.”
With a wink and smile, he quips, “But what about your Dad who produced your mother’s will?”
“Dad, why can’t we get that part of the will etched in gold?” she asks.
“Bakhtawar and Aseefa before that I have to reveal the full will. Your grandpa started the PPP; the great and venerated martyr Bhutto Sahib. Your mother has also willed that both if you are deputy co-chairs. She was extremely mindful of preserving the family heirloom.
“Also after I am done with the money matters in Switzerland, I have set up appointments with political consultants in London our great and venerated Bhutto Sahib spearheaded his campaign with his undying slogan ‘Roti, Kapra, aur Makan’ … food, clothing and housing. I will discuss ways how we can enhance the effectiveness of this slogan.
“I am thinking of editing the slogan to ‘Roti, Kapra, aur Makan, maang raha hay hurr insaan’ … everybody asks for food, clothing and housing.”
“Dad,” Bakhtawar interrupts her father, “I suggest we make it ‘Roti, Paani, Kapra, aur Makan, maang raha hay hurr insaan’ … everybody asks for food, water, clothing and housing. Like people of Tharparkar have no water, even people of Defense in Karachi even Karachi have no water.
“And so far, our party has done a good job that people continue to ask for food, water, clothing and housing.”
Bilawal seconds his sister, “The day these folks will get food, water, clothing and housing, they will say, ‘Where is Bhutto,’ whereas now they keep saying, ‘Bhutto is Alive, Bhutto is Living’.
Zardari, all loving smiles for his children says, “Indeed, you are heirs to great wisdom … great leadership skills. Certainly, your ideas are fantastic and I will include them in my discussion with our British consultants. But right now the Swiss nest needs caring.”